Are Your Goals Truly Yours?
How to Identify Internal vs. External Motivation
We live in a world that celebrates achievement. Promotions, accolades, degrees, milestones—on the surface, they look like success. But sometimes, even after checking all the boxes, we find ourselves quietly wondering:
Why doesn’t this feel as fulfilling as I thought it would?
That question is a powerful sign. It might mean the goals you’re chasing aren’t truly yours.
Let’s explore the difference between internal and external motivation—and how to align your aspirations with your authentic self.
Internal vs. External Motivation: What’s the Difference?
External Motivation:
Goals driven by outside influences—like societal expectations, validation, comparison, or fear.
They often sound like:
“I should be doing this by now.”
“People will think I’ve made it if I get this.”
“Everyone else is doing it…”
Internal Motivation:
Goals fueled by your values, curiosity, joy, and sense of purpose.
They feel more like:
“This lights me up.”
“I feel aligned when I’m doing this.”
“Even if no one knew, I’d still want this.”
One isn't necessarily bad and the other good—but only one will lead you to a life that truly feels like yours.
Step 1: Audit Your Goals with Radical Honesty
Grab a journal and write down your current goals—big or small. Then ask:
Why do I want this?
Who am I doing this for, really?
If no one ever knew I achieved this, would I still want it?
Pay attention to what comes up. If the motivation is rooted in pressure, obligation, or performance—it may be time to reassess.
Step 2: Tune In to How Your Goals Feel
Your body is wise. It speaks in sensation, not spreadsheets.
Ask yourself:
Does this goal feel heavy or energizing?
Am I pursuing this from fear… or from love?
Does this feel aligned with who I’m becoming?
If a goal feels exciting, purposeful, and meaningful even when progress is slow, that’s a sign it’s coming from within.
Step 3: Reconnect With Your Core Values
When your goals align with your values, you move with clarity and resilience.
Try this:
Choose your top 3 values (e.g., freedom, creativity, growth, connection). Then ask:
How does this goal honor those values?
What’s missing in my current goals that I wish were present?
Let your values guide you—not trends, timelines, or expectations.
💬 “Success is not just about achievement—it’s about alignment.”
Step 4: Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
Sometimes we set goals to prove our worth. But when you live with intention, success becomes less about impressing others and more about expressing who you truly are.
Try rewriting your goals with this prompt:
“I want to create a life where I feel ___, ___, and ___. My next step toward that life is…”
Let feeling be the foundation—not just metrics.
Step 5: Give Yourself Permission to Pivot
You’re allowed to outgrow your goals.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to say, this isn’t what I want anymore—and walk away.
That isn’t quitting. That’s evolving.
And it takes courage to realign with your truth.
Final Thoughts
You deserve goals that feel like you—not just the version of you that’s been shaped by expectations, pressure, or old narratives.
Let this be your reminder: You are not behind. You are not broken.
You are becoming. And you get to choose what that looks like.
